"The Qualities Of A Coach"
By Susan Patria
East Hartford High School
East Hartford, Connecticut
Boys' and Girls' Varsity Volleyball Coach

The quest for connectedness is embedded in our lives. Lives as a coach, as a teacher, as a parent, as a person, as a spouse, are all intertwined. As teachers and coaches our values, our morals, our ethics are not something that is usually brought out into the open. But can we truly do that? Aren't we who we are because of our spirit? Today I am a teacher, this afternoon I am a coach and tonight I am a wife and mother. I am the same, morning, noon and night, not different. Part of my life starts where the other ends. We are who we are!

Our lives can be compared to the making of a quilt. The creator chooses the material, oh so carefully, cuts it, matches it, and sews it, into different sizes, shapes, and colors. The crafter plays with the pieces of different sizes, shapes and colors, works with them, molds them, shapes them, trims them and puts them together so they all fit. When they fit together, all the little and big pieces look beautiful together. The many pieces work by themselves, but together they are special. Together they work, they are a piece of art, they are beautiful together, and they are meant to be one. How did it happen? It doesn't just happen. Someone, the person who created that quilt, thought hard, worked hard, fitted and molded, adjusted and readjusted until it becomes a match, a work of art, a masterpiece.

That is how a team, a family, a classroom of young people is put together. We are all teachers from the time we are very young. I learn everyday about life, about people, from the very people who are entrusted to me everyday. I am different, yet the same in the classroom, in the gym, in my home. That hat I wear has a different style, a different color, a different fit, but it still fits my head. I still put each hat on my head, wear it with style and am still the same person. It is the same with my life.

Over the last thirty years my teams have been part of my life, are my life. My own children have been part of my teams' lives. My spouse, who listens to my problems, listens to my joys, listens to me about school, as well as players on the team, and the students in my classes, are all ingrained in who I am as a person.

I am a coach in every aspect of my life. I would be a fraud, an untrustworthy person if I was different in the gym, different in the classroom than I am in the rest of my life. The players, the students are treated like my own children would be. I treat all with respect, with love, with compassion about who they are and who they will become some day. I remember my daughter one day said to me, " Mom, why don't you ever get mad at your students, or dislike them when they act the way they sometimes do." I thought about it for a second and said, " because everyone has good in them to give, some just take a little more time to realize that themselves." That's what makes being part of their lives so exciting and challenging. Sometimes you see that change, but other times you just hope that they will "get it" someday. That is why I teach, that is why I coach, and that is why I am a mother.

Coaching doesn't stop at five o'clock when practice is over. Coaching is all day, all season, pre-season and post-season. A good coach thinks, sleeps and eats around the thoughts of his/her team, students and children. All day the coach prepares, worries, calculates, changes, inspires and believes in them. A coach takes players, as part of the team and molds, works, scolds, praises, cajoles and teaches them to be the best that they can be. Each member of the team is a part of the bigger picture. The smaller parts must understand or buy in to the whole picture. In return the coach receives so much more than what he/she gave - respect, compassion, discipline, understanding, trust and integrity. It is so rewarding to watch your children grow and mature in ways you never dreamed they could.

A coach nurtures a team and a family in much the same way. A child's development, a child's personality, a child's self-esteem are delicate and fragile. Every adult who comes in contact with a child's life has an opportunity to influence and leave lasting impressions beyond the season, for the rest of that child's life. Parents hope that their children get a coach who is positive, who is honest, and who is fair. Parents hope that their child's coach instills in their child the values that they feel will make their child a better person. That is most important. Teams win and teams lose. The winning team has a coach who cares about his or her players. A winning coach is one that knows that every moment with that child, that student, that athlete has meaning that transcends that moment.

That is what a coach is, at least this coach!